When we have a problem, conflict or discomfort, we usually tend to look for the cause of it in the outside world. For example, have you ever heard these types of phrases?
“It’s winter, that’s why I’m low in energy”
“I have insomnia because my neighbour’s dog barks at night”
“I do not talk to my mother because she does not respect my decisions, she only criticizes me!”
We tend to blame other people or the circumstances of creating our discomfort or suffering.
In this way we justify our reactions and look for excuses in the outside world to avoid having to change.
But something has to change so that the situation that creates us discomfort or that we perceive as conflictive or problematic changes, right? Albert Einstein already said: “madness is always doing the same thing and expecting a different result”.
So the first thing we try is for the outside world to change: we require the other person to act according to our needs (we go to the neighbour and we ask him to educate the dog or put him inside the house), or we try to change or avoid the environment and circumstances (we escape during the winter, if we can, to warmer places or we stop interacting with our mother). In short, we try to change what surrounds us and, if it does not, we avoid it, trying to get it out of our lives.
If you focus on the outside world, you are not directing your life, you are not the captain of your ship. Why? Because your happiness will depend on your ability to get others and circumstances to adapt to you, and to be as you want them to be.
In this way, you have become a slave of the weather, of the noises around you or of your mother’s level of understanding. And depending on how many days it has been dark and cold, how much will the dog bark tonight or if your mother is in a good mood today or not, you will suffer more or less.
To have the reins of your life and to end your suffering and discomfort, you must focus on changing yourself. Why? At least I can think of three important reasons:
- Because you cannot force someone who is not ready to change, to do it and, also, according to your needs. People change according to their needs, urgencies, abilities, will, intention, level of awareness … not according to yours. Each person has their own personal evolution, at their own pace.
This way, it does not matter, for example, how much you want your mother to stop criticizing you. She is where she is at this particular moment in her process of personal growth or evolution, and she has her reasons to be where she is, even if you do not understand them at the moment.
- Because you cannot continuously create the circumstances that you consider perfect around you, without limiting your life and your experiences, letting life touch you, influence you and transform you.
For example, by fleeing from winter or allowing it to influence you negatively losing your energy and depressing you, you will miss experiences that winter has for you: making sculptures in the snow; skiing down the hill; enjoying a sauna or hot tea with a friend; or go jogging early in the morning when the streets are still asleep and the cold air wakes you up faster than good coffee.
- Because if you do not change, your problems and discomforts will follow you, no matter what you do, with whom or where you are, waiting for the opportunity to show themselves in different ways or with different faces.
Following the example of insomnia due to the barking of your neighbour’s dog, you will probably still suffer from insomnia when you go on vacation and the neighbours of your hotel room turn on the television; or when you go all weekend to visit your brother and the radiator in the bedroom sounds like a hungry lion; or you go a few days of business trip to the city where cars circulate, brake and start all night without rest.
Therefore, it is about putting the focus on you, on your inner world, on how you create that problem or discomfort.
Only then you learn to become aware of thinking, emotional and behavioural patterns that affect the way you live, that they colour your reality and prevent you from Being Free.
It is possible to feel energetic living in the North Pole in winter, sleep well between barking and have a good relationship with your mother, even if she does not understand you and has a tendency to judge you.
That is, in my opinion, to Be Free: it does not matter what happens in the outside world, because you can understand it, accept it, be calm in the middle of it and even give the best of yourself at that moment, since you don’t react to it.
And for that, you will have to focus, first of all, on studying and exploring one thing: you and your inner world.
I invite you to do an experiment: observe during the next two days if you focus on the exterior more than on your interior. Are you blaming others or the circumstances? Are you letting Life touch you and transform you?
